Confessions of a Recovering Pharisee

Joel Osteen wrote a book a few years ago called “Your Best Life Now.” I read it and it actually inspired me to be even more positive than I am. I had began to think that I could will my way into success. I actually began to think that my attitude and outlook on life could change my life. But you know what happened? Life.

I will continue to think positive but I will also be “REALISTIC.” Just because I believe something will come true or even pray it will does not mean it is going to happen. The older I get and the more I experience life I realize that we as followers of Jesus have been selling unbelievers a bill of goods. I used to use a tract that said “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.” Really? Does God have a “WONDERFUL” plan for everyone’s life? All of the Apostles but John were executed. Would you consider that to be wonderful? Job was considered righteous before God but he lost everything. Is that the “WONDERFUL” life that we promised when I shared my faith?

Jesus said in Luke 9:23:

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Taking up one’s Cross meant one thing to the 1st Century Jew–Death! That doesn’t sound too “WONDERFUL” to me.

The longer I live the life of a Follower of Jesus I become more realistic. God’s plan for most of us is not “wonderful” in the view of a Suburban American. God’s plan may include a whole lot of suffering. God’s plan may include pain.

I Peter 4:12 says:

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.

Maybe my life is different than others. Maybe I’m not optimistic enough or I’m not sowing enough seeds of faith. Or maybe I’m coming to the realization that God never promised me a Rose Garden. God only promised that He would be with me always. I may not get the Best Life Now–but I will get it when I leave this world.

After moving back to Alabama I really thought finding a church for our family would be easy. I guess I was hoping that not being the pastor or staff member would take pressure off my children. I was wrong. When I was serving on staff, everyone reached out to us from the beginning but that has not been the case as we have visited as lay people. Here are some observations I have as a father and husband of a family looking for a church. It has made me understand what people who visited churches I served over 15 years went through. These observations are not meant to be critical of any of the churches we have visited. Just some observations that may help pastors and staff members see what visitors see.

1. Families who visit church for the 1st time are nervous and anxious.

Having friendly greeters in the parking lot would help tremendously. A few of the churches we visited had lots of volunteers. Some looked like they enjoyed people others didn’t. I would suggest placing your friendliest people in the parking lot. I heard John Maxwell say that people decide in the first 10 minutes if they are going to come back. I would say that is true from my perspective. Our family has been used to going to church every time the doors open and yet we were nervous, anxious and edgy. I can’t imagine what an unchurched person or someone who has not been to church must feel like when they step foot on campus. I suggest friendly greeters and better signage.

2. Children and youth need peers to welcome them.

Most of the churches we have been visiting dynamic staff members who act like and I believe were genuinely happy to see my children. But almost every church we visited has lacked peer leadership. One of the reasons (probably the biggest reason) my youth ministries in Jacksonville, NC and Mobile, AL grew were because our students reached out to new students. Children and youth want friends. I suggest that churches enable children and students to reach out to new students and children who visit. My children grew up in church. Can you imagine how intimidating it is for students who have never been to church to come to church for the first time and not have any of the peers even speak to them? Well we have experienced it and my children came from a pastor’s family.

3. Have a pastor and/or staff meet and greet following the service.

The church that we are attending and feel pretty good about has this following their service. It was very helpful for us to get to talk and ask questions. We met at least 5 staff members and they made us feel welcome. We were able to ask questions without feeling rushed or having someone visit our home. It made us feel like the staff wanted to know us.

4. Realize that not every person who visits is right for your church.

I remember taking it personally when people who I was convinced were going to join our church didn’t come back. We have been to some great churches while we have been here. Only one would I say was a BAD experience and that was the first back in January. But all of the rest have been good experiences, they just didn’t feel right for some reason. A few were just too far for us to actively be involved in. Pastors and staff members don’t take it personally if someone feels led to go to another church. More times than not it isn’t because of your preaching but some other reason beyond your control.

5. Your biggest outreach is when you get people on campus!

Unfortunately many churches that I have served on see outreach as a “night” that people go knock on doors. Most people don’t want you to knock on their door without an invitation. Why not pour every effort of outreach to make each visit for visitors the best they have ever had? You are never going to get as many unchurched prospects or potential workers in one place than during visits to your worship service. I would suggest pouring everything you have into that experience! If people feel welcomed and wanted they will come back. If they don’t I don’t care how many home visits you make, they aren’t coming back.

These are just a few thoughts I have. I would like to say I have enjoyed visiting churches but that is not true. I wish that weren’t the case but it has been very stressful. I would encourage those of you who are pastors and staff to encourage your members to make Sunday’s the most exciting, friendly day of the week.

[I want to say first that I have been guilty of what I'm about to write about. I may even be the most guilty.]

I’ve noticed that when people (including me) see something that they are passionate about they will crusade and bring that to the attention of many people. Then something interesting happens. A word begins to interrupt–”BUT!” If someone is talking about positive ministry like missions, helping the poor or homeless, preaching, etc… someone inevitably says “BUT.” Sure we can minister to the homeless “BUT” what about our own people.  Sure we need to we want to give to missions overseas “BUT” what about those locally?  Others argue topical preaching is good, “BUT” the way to preach is expository. 

When it comes to Preachers and teachers exposing sin it is OK if you line up on the same side of the theological spectrum as the communicator.  Otherwise you might hear a “BUT.”  Some might preach about what the Bible says about Homosexuality, “BUT” others say what about divorce?  

Why does there have to be a “BUT?” If something is right, it is right.  If someone feels led to do missions locally–then do it with all of your power.  That doesn’t mean the one who is passionate about overseas missions should “BUT” in.  When it comes to sin–it is all sin. Why should we insert “BUT.”

Like I said, I’m sure I have been and will probably be guilty of this again in the future. Why do you think we use “BUT” so often?  Just curious?