Confessions of a Recovering Pharisee

[SCSU Collegian & NPR] Youth Radio’s Pendarvis Harshaw says that among his friends, the transition from condoms to no-condoms signifies a lasting commitment.

It shows trust, commitment, and the prospect of a shared future,” he adds.

As bold as the statement may be, it is a part of Harshaw’s essay, “Sex Without Condoms Is the New Engagement Ring,” where he explores the way today’s youth approach monogamy in relationships. 

The essay was submitted as a part of Youth Radio’s “What’s the New What?” series, which highlights new trends in youth culture.  In the on-air essay, Harshaw acknowledges the dangers of contracting STDs and the risk of unexpected pregnancies. He emphasized that while youth may ditch condoms in their sexual activities, other forms of birth control are still widely used.  After conducting an informal survey, Harshaw said he came up with the leading argument for his essay.

“[I spoke with] everybody from friends, to co-workers, to residents about relationships-how to approach getting into a monogamous relationship, and I saw a consistent trend,” says Harshaw. “A lot of people were talking about the most major step is the step toward unprotected sex.”

The controversial issue tackled in Harshaw’s essay has definitely raised eyebrows among the NPR audience and has received harsh criticisms and empathetic remarks alike.

“I believe the feedback was mixed because older folks just plain do not want to hear the truth about young people encountering heavy sexual situations at younger ages. These situations are definitely adult, and used to be taboo to even talk about, but children have been bombarded with so much sexual imagery by the media, that the situations themselves have become common,” says senior Matt Cody, film production major and founder of HowHood University Records.

Harshaw, who set out to shed light on youth perspective of monogamy with this essay, has been surprised and pleased with the feedback surrounding his argument.

Read more here and here.

[From me]

I admit, I don’t understand this.  I come from a Christian perspective in which sex is intended for people who married.  I don’t care what the divorce rates are, that is no excuse for skirting God’s design.  What is sad is when followers of Jesus don’t even follow his plans.  It breaks my heart when I hear about former students who made purity commitments don’t follow through on their promise to God and their future mates.  Now I realize there are those who make mistakes and God does forgive. But to say that the practice mentioned in the essay above is the new engagement is sad.

What do you think?

[USA Today]

While researchers say the overall divorce rate is higher among those who lived together before marriage, now they don’t blame cohabitating.

“There’s been a sea change in societal, cultural and individual acceptance of cohabitation,” says Pamela Smock, a sociologist at the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor. “A lot of the earlier studies were relying on data that may have been gathered in the late ’80s and mid-’90s. We’re talking about a moving target. The evidence is a lot more mixed.”

“The nature of cohabitation has changed,” says Jay Teachman, a sociology professor at Western Washington University in Bellingham. “Cohabitators 20 years ago were the rule breakers, the rebels, the risk takers — the folks who were perhaps not as interested in marriage, and using cohabitation as an alternative to marriage.”

 

“Twenty or 25 years ago, if you were cohabiting and then married them, the marriage was more likely to dissolve and end in divorce,” he says. “Today, that’s not the case. You can cohabit with your spouse and not experience increased risk of divorce. We’re making these finer distinctions that we didn’t make before.

“Read about it here.

[From me]

We have a few couples on our street that aren’t married and they have children together.  My question isn’t if it is wrong (the Bible makes that clear for believers), it is how are we going to minister to people who are living this lifestyle.  If someone is not a believer are we going to judge them to the point they are turned off to Christianity or are we going to reach out to them?  Conversely, are we going to confront (in love) Christ followers who are living outside the will of God?  Tough ministry ahead.

What do you think?

20 Years ago today, Cassandra Frazier of Scottsboro, AL became Cassandra Bussey.  I’m amazed at what our life has brought us.  I’ll never forget the 1st time I met her. I knew who she was when she attended Samford but never got to know her.  When she transfered to UAB she lived in the same apartment complex as my former roommate and Frat brother, Ramsay. I was at Ramsay’s apartment one night for a birthday party and Cassandra came over.  I remember talking to her for several hours and wanting to ask her out for a date. But Ramsay and his dental student buddies were notorious for pulling pranks on their friends when they went on dates so I didn’t want to blow any chance I had with Cassandra.   Thankfully for me Ramsay moved a month later.  :)

Cassandra’s roommate/best friend, Tonya was dating and eventually married Dr. Rob Jackson who was my new roommate and one of my best friends.  They really wanted Cassandra and I to get together and made some excuses why they needed Cassandra and I to go with them to talk.  I knew what Rob was up to but Cassandra didn’t.  Anyway, I asked her out the next day and we’ve been together ever since then–2 years of dating/engagement and 20 years of marriage.

Cassandra is an angel.  She has been with me when I had a tragic car accident.  We had the honeymoon from hades and she still loves me.  She thought she was marrying a high school football coach and I pulled a bait and switch.  She has stood by me when I left coaching to enter business.  We moved to Ft. Worth and she put me through Seminary.  We lived through 7 hurricanes on two coasts including Katrina.  She has supported me through the risks I’ve taken like starting a church.  I should have trusted her instincts about some places but I’m kind of naive.  We lived through a few church splits, a drastic pay cut–involuntary, resignation and a voluntary pay cut.  

We have 2 healthy children who she has homeschooled for most of their schooling.  She is the best listener I’ve ever been around.  Ask anyone who knows her.  If you met her today she would make you feel like you have known her your entire life and would probably tell her everything about yourself.  That is the kind of person she is.  She doesn’t want anyone to recognize her but she realizes that God has a calling on her life too!  She is an amazing, Godly woman and I am truly blessed.  I know she hates it but she really is a Proverbs 31 woman.  

Thanks for 20 years Cass!  I pray God gives us many more.

[Christian Post]

After months of revived debate over divorce and its increasing acceptance among Americans, a new study affirmed born again Christians are just as likely as the average American couple to divorce.

The Barna Group found in its latest study that born again Christians who are not evangelical were indistinguishable from the national average on the matter of divorce with 33 percent having married and divorced at least once. Among all born again Christians, which includes evangelicals, the divorce figure is 32 percent, which is statistically identical to the 33 percent figure among non-born again adults, the research group noted.

“There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage,” George Barna, who directed the study, stated in the study, which was released Monday.

Read about it here. 

[From me]

What can you say?  Sad.  You would think that people would take their marriages more seriously because of their faith.  Love isn’t a feeling–it is an action.

What do you think? 

[Yahoo] 

Arkansas‘ marriage-age crisis is over. A law that mistakenly allowed anyone — even toddlers — to marry with parental permission was repealed by a measure signed into law Wednesday by Gov. Mike Beebe, ending months of embarrassment for the state and confusion for county clerks. Lawmakers didn’t realize until after the end of last year’s regular session that a law they approved, intended to establish 18 as the minimum age for marriage, instead removed the minimum age to marry entirely. An extraneous “not” in the bill allowed anyone who was not pregnant to marry at any age with permission.

The bill read: “In order for a person who is younger than eighteen (18) years of age and who is not pregnant to obtain a marriage license, the person must provide the county clerk with evidence of parental consent to the marriage.”  

Some lawmakers called for a special session last year, saying the error would make it easy for pedophiles to take advantage of the law. Gov. Mike Beebe said he didn’t see any imminent crisis and said the chances of children marrying under the law were slim.

Read about it here. 

[From me]

Well you have to be at least 5 in my home state of Alabama.  Maybe they can make a law that requires all of the residents to have all of their teeth.  At least they need to do that in my wife’s hometown!  :)