Confessions of a Recovering Pharisee

I ran into Gwen Smith again today.  She is so funny and talented.  Today she has a devotion on Crosswalk.com.  It is a devotion about pain, trials, bad decisions—but most importantly–GOD’s Grace! Gwen asked me to read some of the responses she is getting this morning–sad, tragic and heart wrenching to say the least.  Gwen has such a unique and needed ministry.  I encourage you to read and pray that God will use this today.

[Crosswalk]

Today’s Truth
“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm  34:5

Friend to Friend
I remember the phone call to my college boyfriend. Through sobs, I managed to tell him I was pregnant. There was a long pause on the other end of the phone…and then came the speed round of questions and comments: “What are we going to do? Do you think we should get married? Oh, my gosh…oh, my gosh…what are we going to do? Do you want to have this baby? What are we going to do? What about volleyball? What will your parents say? What will my parents say? Oh, my gosh!”

Read the rest here.

[From me]

There are people like this in our churches every week.  There are people who have struggled like this who aren’t in our churches who need to know it is safe for them to come.  What are we going to do to make them feel welcome?

I was a high school football coach for two years right out of college.  I wasn’t a great player because I was a slow, white cornerback but I was a decent coach.  In fact as the JV coach my teams went 11-3 and we won the area championship my last season.  I was pretty organized and had a game plan that our team worked on all week long.  

But when the game started very rarely did the game go exactly the way we planned. In fact, often it would fall apart and we would have to make adjustments to our plan.   Good coaches have great game plans.  Great coaches make adjustments.  Mike Shula was a nice guy and a fine representative for the University of Alabama football team.  I would say that his teams always showed up prepared for the games. However, Mike was not good at making half-time adjustments and I believe that is what led to his firing. Great coaches in any sport learn it doesn’t matter how things go at the beginning it is what you do when you hit opposition and difficulty.   Great coaches and race teams work the entire game/race to win and the great ones do win.

I’ve had a plan in place for ministry and life. I’ve written out mission statements, goals and checklists. As I approach my birthday (none of your biz how old) I realize it is time to make a half-time adjustment. My plans haven’t worked the way I planned. I’m not sorry I tried any of them, but many haven’t worked out like I had envisioned. I’m not foolish enough to keep running them in the ground and kill me and my family in the process.  I am adjusting– not to my plans but to God’s plan.  What is that?  I don’t know yet.  But obviously mine needs adjusting. 

So this week I will finish my book proposal and send it off to a literary agent that has expressed interest. We will see what God does.  Next, I’m asking God to let me work in my area of passion, Judges 2:10 and recovering from legalism or give me another passion.  I pray this gives me outside speaking opportunities because I’m ready.  I really believe that there is a need for recovering, arrogant, obnoxious, know it all Christians to find healing and grace in Christ.  Am I there yet? No, but I know this is a message that needs to be heard.  This is where my focus will be until God shows me something else.

Brad Johnson posted a response to a question I asked him about ministering to people who have fallen in the church.  It was so powerful I had to pull it out and make it a post by itself because I realize some of you may not have read it.  Brad has been there so he knows what he is talking about.  

Hi Kevin–

You asked me an important question…how to show grace…

–collectively, teach your church with this case study. wrestle with it. talk about it…do something insane–like send money, make sure bills are being paid, have your members write letters to every family member (and especially to your friend). sounds like this incident involved a crime/victim. that victim should be lifted in prayer. affirmed for the strength to come forward (if that is what happened). your writing suggests you have a communication gift and bright mind. use those with your church to bring a collective response from a body/fellowship/local expression of the church.

–long term- suicide will be on this person’s mind. his depression, shame, guilt will deepen as the responses and consequences of sin hit him and those he loves, like a tsunami. this agonizing process will unfold for the next year—minimally (and for years, if there is prison involved). settle in for the long haul. establish a strategy to stay next to this family. partner with those in his local church who may or may not be doing something. i assure you he’s getting hate mail. he can’t go out of his house without pain; nor can his family. make sure they are getting an equal measure of kindness. staying with them –not just through, but after–the storm is character quaility of perserverance.

–personally, find a way to see this man, pray with him, hold him. yes, guys can do that. you don’t have to ‘fix’ anything, nor can you. long after he’s forgotten your words, he will remember you came.

–a pressing, and oft overlooked aspect of this is financial ruin. This family needs help. They will for a year.

–teach: yes, there are consequences–but Christians are to alleviate burdens, not add to. I assure you, God doesn’t need help in the spiritual realm for us to reap what we sow. your friend will suffer way more than anyone will ever know. so, do the outrageous…show the undeserved…THAT is grace.

beyond simple compassion, or sympathy or empathy or generosity…show the outrageous…the stuff that makes the world say: “Are you freakin crazy? The guy deserves a bullet, not a house payment”

ahhhh…..if it isn’t amazing, it’s not grace. hope this stimulates your thinking and response.

Wow!  Did you get that?  We sing Amazing Grace all of the time but how often do we offer Amazing Grace?

What do you think?

I don’t normally link to other blog stories unless it really grabs me.  Well yesterday one did.  I found this blog on MMI and was moved by Brad Johnson’s story. (not the Brad Johnson who was my intern)

He was a pastor for many years and he wrote had about a moral failure that cost him his marriage and his church. Fortunately it did not destroy his faith.  He wrote an open apology to his former church here.  But I had to find out what happened to him.  Because I know that if I don’t put the proper systems in place and stay close to God–this could be me.  

But I also have been broken of pointing fingers to those who do fall.  It all started in high school when my best friend had a child out of wedlock.  It continues this week when a good friend has made some seriously terrible choices.  But, what do we as “THE CHURCH” do when a fellow believer or minister fails?  How are we to respond?

Brad wrote a post a back on April 2, called, “serves em right.”  In this post he describes how the “CHURCH” (collective group) treated him after his moral failure.  He said some individual Christians reached out to him but the “CHURCH” did not.  Look at some of these quotes from Brad:

As I write about the ‘Church,’ I write about the groupcollected. I write about an organized body, a gathering, a mob, a conspicuous unity of believers congregated, moving in a unified direction. I speak of leaders and those who aspire to be-those who are positioned to ’speak on behalf of…” No individual Christian is being singled out.

Also, I acknowledge that those in the church, just like me, are sinful, falling down types. So…it is with understanding and distinction that I ponder….(not conclusions….just observations. The response from the ‘gathered’ group has been deafening silence or worse, a ’serves him right’ attitude manifested by words and actions.

Well, guess what? It does serve me right. It is certainly what I deserve. Serves me right. Where I get confused is the definition of grace, where we offer to another what they DON’T deserve. That has not been offered by the ‘Church.’

No collected group of ‘Christ’s Followers’ have offered to share coffee, or inquire about my well-being, or drop by for a visit, or invite me to a ‘fellowship’ (oh, how I coul write on that word…what a load of ….poo).

No collected group of ‘Christ’s Follwers’ have sought to lift a burden, extend a hand, or walk with me a mile.

Not one pastor (teachers of the ‘Church’) from Ventura County has called me to ask about me, or express care–let alone just pray for me over the phone; not one….in a year. (with the exception of the pastor of the church where I now attend)

Not one Women’s Bible Study group called Heidi, inquired about her well-being, offered care. What do you ladies study?

Grace is giving what is NOT deserved. And that is what has been missing from the church.

My wife and I haven’t slept very well all weekend.  When we heard the news that a former boss, friend and mentor had been involved in something horrible in another state, we couldn’t believe it.  He was always good to us.  We love him and his family.  If you asked me who of all of the people I’ve ever worked with would I think would do something so horrible, he would be the last.

We feel like someone has died!  I can’t explain the way we feel.  What he did was terrible, and if convicted he deserves to be punished according to the law.  But, he is still our friend.  God still loves him and especially his family.  He deserves love and grace because we’ve all sinned. We have tried to get in touch with his family but have been unsuccessful.  We want to talk with his wife and make sure they are being ministered to. 

We have watched the public response from the pastor of this church to his congregation, and frankly we don’t get it.  I realize he feels hurt.  I realize this is embarrassing.  I understand that it gives the church, the pastor and Christianity a black eye.  Yes, the minister needs to be removed from the staff.  But what about ministering to him and his family in a time of need.  When I watched the message from the pastor, it seemed to be all about how he was hurt, his reputation, the church’s reputation and the damage to the church.  What about the wife and son of this disgraced minister?  What about the disgraced minister himself?

Maybe they are ministering to the family.  I sure hope so!  But why not make that public.  The speech reminded me of the spin doctors in Washington DC.  It seemed like they were trying to save face instead of falling on their faces.  

I pray that we as a church will become more forgiving and show  grace, not only to those who come to faith but to those who mess up within the church as well!  

What do you think?