Confessions of a Recovering Pharisee

I’ve moved around a lot in my life so I’ve had to say goodbye to friends and family on many occasions. It doesn’t get easier. Every time it gets more gut wrenching than the previous time. Often times we just say we will keep in touch and many times we do. But how do you say goodbye to someone who is leaving earth way too early?

My wife Cassandra lived in one place almost her entire life until she went to college. She grew up in Scottsboro, AL. Because she grew up in one place she built some life long friendships with a group of people from her church. Even when they went to college they all remained close. Some went to Bama, some to Auburn and Cass and her friend Tonya went to Samford. By the time I met Cassandra and Tonya they had transfered to UAB. Tonya and my good friend Rob were instrumental in Cassandra and I going out. As Cassandra and I continued to date I became a part of the group. They weren’t an inclusive group of friends at all. Their group just got bigger as each of them got married.

The ones I got closest to were of course Tonya (Cassandra’s roommate who married my friend Rob), Joan who now is married and lives in Birmingham, Paul who is married and lives in Ball Ground, GA and Susan who was Joan’s roommate at Auburn. Susan and Cassandra have been very close since high school. As I began dating Cassandra I got to know Susan very well. Susan is one of the craziest people I’ve been around. She loves life. Tonya, Joan and Susan were in our wedding. After we moved to all over the place the friendships stayed strong. When we would all get together it was as if we had not been apart. I never felt like an outsider either. When Cassandra and I went to Ft. Walton Beach, FL Susan and Joan went along. Of course they stayed in another room!

Susan and Joan eventually got married and their spouses were introduced to the Scottsboro group. They were accepted like Rob and I were. Paul also got married and his wife Karen became friends with everyone too. I’ve never seen a group so close. Even though most of them don’t live near each other they talk on the phone often. When we do get together it is as if we have never been apart.

Susan’s husband is Rick. Rick somehow tamed Susan. She is still silly but she changed and got domesticated. When we moved to Atlanta we did a lot with Rick and Susan because they lived in Acworth, GA. When we decided to move to Canton, GA to start a church Rick and Susan prayed about helping us and eventually helped Cassandra with our preschool ministry. I even had the privilege of baptizing their oldest daughter at First Baptist Woodstock where they are now members. They are great friends. We would get together often with them and Paul and Karen for cookouts and just to hang out.

When we moved again it didn’t end the friendship. Every time we would come to Atlanta we would get together with Rick and Susan and Paul and Karen. 2 years ago Cassandra got a disturbing phone call from Paul and Karen telling us that Rick was very sick. Cassandra finally talked to Susan and it was discovered that Rick had Stage 4 Cancer and was in his Liver. We were heartbroken for their family and for us. We wondered why God would allow this to happen. The members of First Baptist Woodstock have really shown the love of Christ to their family during this tough time. For two years we thought God had performed a miracle because Rick seemed to improve. Then 2 or 3 weeks ago Cassandra received a call from Paul and Karen telling us that Rick has gotten worse and will be sent home from the hospital to die. Cassandra talked with Susan and confirmed what she had heard. Needless to say there have been a lot of tears shed.

I have been struggling with this for weeks. Why would God take such a Godly man home so early. They have 12 and 8 year old daughters. Rick won’t get to walk them down the aisle of their weddings. Susan will be a widow at an early age. Rick is an amazing man who even while he was in the hospital was sharing his faith and leading people to Christ! Rick is dangerous to Satan and I’m sure he wants him gone. But why would God allow him to leave us so early? I don’t want to say goodbye but this isn’t about me. I don’t know how a wife of 15 years says goodbye. How do 2 girls deal with God taking their dad so young? This question has been haunting me for the last few weeks. So I won’t say goodbye, I’ll just say as I do every other time a goodbye happens–”I’ll see you later.” Because I will see him in heaven. For Rick all I can think of is 2 Timothy 4:7:

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

You will be missed.

I have a friend who I met on a Summer Beach Project (missions) while I was in college. We became friends that summer and have crossed paths over the years. Recently we got reconnected and were scheduled to get together the next week when he was in Birmingham for SEC Media Days because he is in the Sports Radio. But I didn’t hear from him and didn’t understand why? I checked his place of employment and no explanation was given. I finally was told a few weeks ago by a friend of his that my friend is in jail here in Birmingham.

Because I’m a minister I am allowed to see prisoners in jail when others can’t. I have spent hours talking with him and praying for him on at least 6-7 occasions. I won’t get into the details of why but I believe he will be exonerated of all charges soon. But his reputation and his finances have been trashed.

God has been working on his life and I believe God will use this for His glory. However, he has been in jail since July 14th and he has not had a day in court. My first major was in Public Administration so I have taken lots of classes on our Constitution and History. I’m no lawyer but I thought that in the United States, people were not to be in jail for no reason. Even if my friend was guilty, shouldn’t he allowed to have his day in court? Shouldn’t he be given bail? He has been in for over two months for no charges.

I have contacted both of our US Senators plus my Congressman and I have no where else to turn. My friend is getting discouraged because each day that passes in jail keeps him from his career in the Sports Radio. If you would consider praying for my friend I would appreciate it. Also, my confidence in our judicial system has gone down the drain. It really scares me for the future as Christians become minorities. Imagine the bogus charges that can be placed on us. Don’t say it can’t happen because it is happening now.

The last three months have been our first chances to worship at a church as non-staff members since 1992. I wondered how I would handle worshiping not speaking or teaching for the 1st time in 16 years.  Sure we have worshiped at conferences and on vacation but this is the first time in all these years I don’t have paid responsibilities at a local church.

My job as a corporate chaplain keeps me in ministry on a daily basis. But I do believe in the local church and want to be an active member. Yesterday we made a second visit to a church in the Birmingham area.  It is just about the right size for us.  Right now it looks like this is where we will plug-in unless God directs us some where else. 

As a staff member and pastor for 16 years I never realized how dry the worship time on Sunday can become. When you are always hearing church members gripe about what you are wearing, the music is too loud, too contemporary, too traditional, bad, they can’t believe you use a breath spray, you actually invited minorities, where is your wife and family?, etc…. you can easily lose the joy of corporate worship.

Now that I’m going to be an active member here are some things I will do that I wish I had seen more of during my 16 years on staff at local churches.  Some of these ideas came from people whom I observed at some of the churches I served. I sure wish there had been more of them.

1. Pray for your staff–I believe pastors, staff members and their families are under spiritual attack daily!
2. Support the staff–when your pastor or staff members are being attacked or you hear gossip — tell people what that is-SIN!
3. Be loyal to the staff–it is hard to know if someone has an agenda–a loyal church member is such a gift!
4. Serve the staff–they are on call 24/7 for you–remember they need ministry too.
5. Don’t come to the staff with problems in the church without offering your help to be a part of the solution.
6. Be a friend to your staff.  (there was one deacon in Charlotte who took me to lunch and didn’t talk about church at all!  He was just being my friend. That was the best gift he gave me)
7. Be yourself around your staff. They are real people too
8. Don’t act differently around the staff–they don’t want you speaking in King James English.
9. Expect the staff member’s children to be children!
10. You didn’t hire their spouse – so don’t expect them to be there every time the church doors open.

Mike and I woke up to rain here in NE Atlanta.  We had breakfast at the Country Inn and Suites and Mike found a nice surprise in his sausage! Needless to say we both lost our appetite.  So we went to Starbucks and then over to the labs.  

When we got to the Gwinett Civic Center Robert from Land of a Thousand Hills Coffee saw our Starbucks cups we were in trouble!  Anyway I dumped my Starbucks Pikes Blend and drank 5 cups of free 1000 hills coffee the rest of the day.

The labs started off by Mike and I sitting on the front row for Aaron Keyes leading in worship.  Man is God all over his ministry.  He is one of the most spirit filled worship leaders I’ve ever heard.  Then I stayed in my seat to listen to Dr. Tim Elmore speak on leadership.  Tim use to work for Dr. John Maxwell before starting his own ministry.  I once had lunch with Tim 11 years ago (he wouldn’t remember it) and I’ve always loved his ministry.

He talked about leadership of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.  Here are some nuggets from his talk.

1. There is not just one right way to lead
2. Great leaders will change styles but not principles
3. Lasting leaders determine their style by developing people

Mike Landrum and I are in Atlanta for the Catalyst Conference.  Today we had lunch with Ask an Atheist at Bahama Breeze.  A3 is one of the most genuine, nice people you will ever meet.  He allowed us to pray for our food and he even paid!  Thanks A3!

Then Mike and I went to my old church Peachtree Corners to see everyone there.  We are back at our motel room and are looking forward to a great conference this week. We are scheduled to see Bryan Riley, Chuck Bryce, Stuart Delony, Cole Phillips and others.  I will give you all of the highlights as they come!