When it rains it pours.  Most of you who read this know that our family has been financially challenged this past year.  I know we are not alone and we are very grateful for what God has provided.

This past week has been a spiritual struggle to say the least.  2 opportunities I had for secondary employment fell through.  Then we took 18 students and adults to Gatlinburg, TN for a retreat.  Mike Landrum my former associate and his former intern Matt Oakley led our retreat.  God did some amazing things through the both of them.   Mike told us the 1^st night that his prayer was that God would make them uncomfortable.  Well, I guess that included me.

The rest of the week was very stressful because God was teaching the students and me to trust in him.  A few weeks ago we taught about Jesus feeding the 5000 with 2 fish and five loaves of bread.  Then Mike taught from the same passage. 

We arrived home only to find our AC unit freezing up.  So I left yesterday to attend the Willowcreek Summit.  One of the speakers taught from Jesus feeding the 5000.  I’m tired of hearing that passage because it is obvious God wants me to learn something.  Cassandra called me while I was at the Summit to let me know that our AC will cost $1700 to fix.

So, my prayer from last year when I resigned was that God would show Himself is playing out.  Mikes prayer to make me uncomfortable is playing out.  I’m/we are beyond ourselves.  I have no idea how God is going to take care of this need.  I have no idea how he is going to take care of any of our needs.  But if I did I guess I wouldn’t need God would I?

In Daniel 3 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refused to bow down to the idol of King Nebuchadnezzar. Because of this they are given a choice–bow down or be thrown into a blazing furnace.  Now most of us know the end of the story when SM&A aren’t even harmed by the blazing furnace.  But what about their faith leading up to that moment?  They realized that God had the power to deliver them and they were even expecting it.  But check out what they said in Daniel 3:17-18

if we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.

In verse 17 they say we know God can save us.  But in verse 18 they said “BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT…” Talk about faith!  Their faith wasn’t in being delivered it was in God!  They were going to serve and worship God because of who He was/is not for what He could do for them!

Do we have that kind of faith?  Do I?  I admit I’m a dreamer. I’m optimistic by nature.  I look for the best in people and often I get taken advantage of.  I’m blind sometimes to people’s motives.  I expect God to do amazing feats and move in mighty ways.  In fact, I’ve seen God do some things that can’t be explained. Those events strengthened my faith and made me expect Him to do great things all of the time.  

But a few times, my dreams didn’t pan out the way I had envisioned. When I was on a summer beach project while I was in college my 1966 Mustang was stolen.  I actually had given God my car an hour before it was stolen.   I had no theft insurance and actually had to pay for new tires on the car after it was stolen.  I had convinced myself that God was going to replace my car with something better.  I don’t know why but I thought somehow I was going to be given a brand new Monte Carlo SS.  Don’t ask me why but that was what I was expecting from God.  When months passed and now years I wonder why He didn’t provide what was in my dream.  But I remember what SM&A said “But even if He does not?”

I could write of about 6-10 other stories where God “DID NOT.”  What did that do to my faith?  Was I disappointed?  Yes.  Do I wonder why He “DID NOT?” Yes. But I came to the realization that if all I expected from God was to deliver all of the time I would be worshipping Him for the wrong reason. That kind of God is just Santa Claus. 

Recently I have been in a “Crisis of Belief” time in my life.  I convinced myself that God was going to come to the rescue. After all if He didn’t I was in a mess.  The deadline passed and I wondered where was God? Why didn’t He pull me out?  I stepped out in faith to serve God and He was/is silent. What about our friend that has stage 4 cancer and has a wife and 2 young daughters.  What if God doesn’t answer our desperate prayers to heal him?  Does this mean God not care? Does this mean that God isn’t God? Does this mean He doesn’t care about my family, friends or me? No.

You see the words of SM&A are true.  ”BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT.” Even if God choses not to answer my prayers in ways that I think He should does that mean He isn’t God?  Does that mean I give up and turn my back on my faith?  No.  ”BUT EVEN IF HE DOES NOT”  —- I WILL –that is I will praise Him.

What do you think?

[Telegraph UK]

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, who may be canonized as a saint by the Vatican later this year, had a deep crisis of faith in God for the last 40 years of her life, according to a new set of her letters. The correspondence, which spans most of Mother Teresa’s life, shows that she felt alone and in a state of spiritual pain from around 1949, roughly the time when she started taking care of the poor and dying in Calcutta.

“Lord, my God, you have thrown [me] away as unwanted - unloved,” she wrote in one missive. “I call, I cling, I want, and there is no one to answer, no, no one. Alone. Where is my faith? even deep down right in there is nothing. I have no faith. I dare not utter the words and thoughts that crowd in my heart.”

Read about it here.

[From me]

How could you not see all of that pain and suffering and not wonder?  She was human and I think it is natural to have doubts.

What do you think?