Confessions of a Recovering Pharisee

[Sunday Monitor]

“It is the most difficult decision I have had to make in my entire life,” said the Rev. Randy White, 49. “I take full responsibility for a failed marriage - 100 percent. I don’t blame Paula, and I don’t blame other parties.

But as the man of the house, I take full responsibility for that,” states a religion website which quoted the couple announcing divorce to their congregation, ending an 18-year journey of married life together. He praised his wife, calling her an exceptional woman, a great preacher and wife.

Paula and Randy White were co-pastors at a multi-billion church in Canada called Without Walls International Church. They founded this church together in 1991, and it had a capacity of 22,000 members, with 200 outreach ministries. Paula White is a Television Evangelist, life coach, and counsellor.

Reasons for their divorce are not so clear although The Tampa Tribune Magazine links the couple to extra marital affairs. Paula has been linked to Bishop Rick Hawkins of Family Praise Centre in San Antonio, Texas, while Randy has been linked to his ex-porn star female personal trainer.

The magazine also cites money disagreements as another reason for the breakup. This made Paula White buy an apartment in New York City, where she opened up a ministry and care centre in July.

Why is divorce on the increase even in Christian homes? Can divorce be a justified means of separation in such families when the vows taken include commitment phrases like “I will be with you in good and bad times, in sickness and in health, wealth and poverty until death do us part?” What happens to these vows when a divorce is being considered? Do they lose meaning? On what grounds does the Bible allow divorce?

Read more here.

[From me]

We live in a fallen world. Bad things happen in the lives of believers too.  I know many fine, Godly people who have experienced divorce on Biblical grounds.  But something is wrong when the divorce rate among believers is as high or even higher than those who aren’t believers.  If believers just treat marriage like it is like “going steady” in high school and you can just break up and move on, then why would non-believers want to go to church? 

What do you think?

[reason online]

Divorce is one of those creations, like fast food and lite rock, that has more people willing to indulge in it than people willing to defend it. Back in the 1960s, easier divorce was hailed as a needed remedy for toxic relationships. But familiarity has bred contempt. In recent years, the divorce revolution has been blamed for worsening all sorts of problems without bringing happiness to people in unhappy marriages. 

There’s a lot of evidence that marital breakup does more social harm than good. In their 2000 book, The Case for Marriage, Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher document that adults who are married do better than singles in wealth, health, and personal satisfaction. Children living with a divorced or unwed single parent are more likely to fall into poverty, sickness, and crime than other kids. 

Marriage is a good thing, most people agree, while divorce is, at best, a necessary evil. So the laws that accompanied the divorce revolution have come under fire for destroying families and weakening safeguards for spouses who keep their vows. 

Waite and Gallagher argue that loose divorce laws harm even intact households by fostering chronic uncertainty. Louisiana, in line with this criticism, has gone so far as to provide a “covenant marriage” option for couples who want the protection of stricter divorce rules.

It may seem obvious that easier divorce laws make for more divorce and more insecurity. But what is obvious is not necessarily true. What two scholars have found is that when you make divorce easier to get, you may actually produce better marriages. 

What could account for these surprising benefits? Something simple: A change in divorce laws alters the balance of power in a marriage, giving more leverage to the weaker or more vulnerable spouse. 

If either partner can demand a divorce, each has a greater incentive to keep the other content. If an abused spouse has an open exit, some abusers—and potential abusers—will find it possible to behave themselves.

By assuring both people in a marriage that they can get out if things go badly, the looser laws can foster the sort of behavior needed to make sure things go well. Just as a driver in a small car will drive more cautiously than someone in an oversized SUV, couples faced with loose divorce laws may handle their family obligations with greater care. 

No-fault divorce once looked like a remedy for bad marriages, in the same way that amputation is a remedy for a gangrenous limb. The good news is that it may prevent the disease in the first place. 

Read the whole article here.

[From me]

Interesting findings. I would be interested what marriage counselors have to say about this study. The fact is for followers of Jesus, the Bible makes it clear that God hates divorce.  Unfortunately we live in a fallen society where it happens more than we would like to see.  I have been counseling with several struggling marriages in different states over that last year.  It is really sad to see the pain that both spouses are going through.  I don’t like divorce but sometimes “separation” is necessary to shock the other spouse into the reality of the situation.

What do you think?

[USA Today]

While researchers say the overall divorce rate is higher among those who lived together before marriage, now they don’t blame cohabitating.

“There’s been a sea change in societal, cultural and individual acceptance of cohabitation,” says Pamela Smock, a sociologist at the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor. “A lot of the earlier studies were relying on data that may have been gathered in the late ’80s and mid-’90s. We’re talking about a moving target. The evidence is a lot more mixed.”

“The nature of cohabitation has changed,” says Jay Teachman, a sociology professor at Western Washington University in Bellingham. “Cohabitators 20 years ago were the rule breakers, the rebels, the risk takers — the folks who were perhaps not as interested in marriage, and using cohabitation as an alternative to marriage.”

 

“Twenty or 25 years ago, if you were cohabiting and then married them, the marriage was more likely to dissolve and end in divorce,” he says. “Today, that’s not the case. You can cohabit with your spouse and not experience increased risk of divorce. We’re making these finer distinctions that we didn’t make before.

“Read about it here.

[From me]

We have a few couples on our street that aren’t married and they have children together.  My question isn’t if it is wrong (the Bible makes that clear for believers), it is how are we going to minister to people who are living this lifestyle.  If someone is not a believer are we going to judge them to the point they are turned off to Christianity or are we going to reach out to them?  Conversely, are we going to confront (in love) Christ followers who are living outside the will of God?  Tough ministry ahead.

What do you think?

[AP]

Televangelist Juanita Bynum says in a two-part episode of “Divorce Court” that she’s through with her marriage to minister Thomas W. Weeks III, who is on probation for assaulting her.

In episodes scheduled to air Thursday and Friday, Bynum also says she had thoughts of suicide and weighs in on a case involving domestic violence. When asked what advice she had for women in situations similar to hers, she said, “I have to make a decision … to take the love that I had for him with me.”

Read about it here.

[From me]

Divorce Court?  That is a great way to keep your personal life out of the headlines.  From what I’ve read she needed to distance herself but dragging her marriage through the mud on DC?  O well.

What do you think?

[Tampa Bay Online]

Divorce and out-of-wedlock childbearing cost U.S. taxpayers more than $112 billion a year, according to a study commissioned by four groups advocating more government action to bolster marriages.

Sponsors say the study is the first of its kind and hope it will prompt lawmakers to invest more money in programs aimed at strengthening marriages. Two experts not connected to the study said such programs are of dubious merit and suggested that other investments - notably job creation - would be more effective in aiding all types of needy families.

There have been previous attempts to calculate the cost of divorce in America. But the sponsors of the new study, being released Tuesday, said theirs is the first to gauge the broader cost of “family fragmentation” - both divorce and unwed childbearing.

The study was conducted by Georgia State University economist Ben Scafidi. His work was sponsored by four groups who consider themselves part of a nationwide “marriage movement” - the New York-based Institute for American Values, the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, Families Northwest of Redmond, Wash., and the Georgia Family Council, an ally of the conservative ministry Focus on the Family.

“The study documents for the first time that divorce and unwed childbearing - besides being bad for children - are costing taxpayers a ton of money,” said David Blankenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values.

“We keep hearing this from state legislators, ‘Explain to me why this is any of my business? Aren’t these private matters?’” Blankenhorn said. “Take a look at these numbers and tell us if you still have any doubt.”

Read about it here.

[From me]

Isn’t interesting to find if people just lived by the instructions in the Bible we wouldn’t have as much pain and suffering?   Obviously there are valid reasons for divorce.  But if people would commit their marriages to God and would only have sexual relations with those who they are married to it would actually save the government and yes, us billions of dollars!  Why should people pay for the sins others?

What do you think?