Confessions of a Recovering Pharisee

[USA Today]

Examine Bible stories top to bottom — particularly the “bottoms” — and you will find a blue vein of sexual and scatological humor not-so-hidden in the verses, say two scholars of Hebrew Scriptures and an evangelical satire writer. Their new book, The Uncensored Bible: The Bawdy and Naughty Bits of the Good Book, in stores Monday, raises such questions as “Which ‘bone’ was Eve made from?”

Or whether, in the Book of Judges, a king’s assassin escapes through a latrine in a tale laden with euphemisms for feces.

Because the Bible addresses humanity body and soul, there’s nothing sacrilegious about examining every aspect of human nature under heaven, say scholars Steven McKenzie, professor of Hebrew Bible at Rhodes College, a liberal arts college in Memphis affiliated with the Presbyterian Church USA, and John Kaltner, an associate professor of religious studies at Rhodes.

Joel Kilpatrick, founder of LarkNews.com, a Christian satire site that reads like a cross between The Onion and an evangelical church bulletin, took their manuscript and did a humorous write-through. His earlier book for Uncensored’s publisher, HarperOne, was the gently mocking A Field Guide to Evangelicals and their Habitat.

Read more here.

[From me]

Man, if they needed wacky ideas all they had to do is write a book about the posts on here with Bill the Mormon!

What do you think?

[World Net Daily]

A controversial new documentary, following in the footsteps of the popular, if heretical, “The Da Vinci Code,” asks the brazen question: “What if the greatest story ever told was a lie?” Coming to theaters later this month, “Bloodline” seeks to prove the conspiracy tale that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and had a child whose bloodline continues today. Ben Hammott, an English adventurer, claims to have discovered in southwest France a remote tomb and relics from Jerusalem, dated back to the first century. The discovery provides the subject matter for this new film about what producers say is “the Church’s best kept secret.”

The findings include a pottery cup and an ointment vase that were reportedly used at the alleged marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.The British Museum and Gabriel Barkay of Bar Ilan University in Jerusalem have analyzed the items.

“It is possible that artifacts excavated by the Templars on Temple Mount would find a way to Europe,” said Barkay. “The finds in this chest are really intriguing and it is really something that inflames the imagination.”

The tomb contained a mummified corpse lying beneath a shroud with a red cross, the symbol of the Knights Templar, a medieval Christian military order. The documentary shows that a DNA test revealed that the corpse is of Middle Eastern origin.

According to the documentary, the tomb was discovered because of information found in a bundle of papers, hidden by a French priest at the end of the 19th century. The papers explained that he discovered the tomb and it led to him to break from his Catholic faith.

“The resurrection of Jesus was a trick, it was Mary Magdalene who took his body from his tomb,” the priest said. “Later, the body of Jesus was discovered by the Templars and then hidden three times. Not in Jerusalem. The Tomb is here. Parts of the body are safe.”

Read more here.

[From me]

Knights Templar?  This sounds more like a Disney movie with Nicolas Cage.  Where do they get this stuff?  

[Tampa Bay Online]

Divorce and out-of-wedlock childbearing cost U.S. taxpayers more than $112 billion a year, according to a study commissioned by four groups advocating more government action to bolster marriages.

Sponsors say the study is the first of its kind and hope it will prompt lawmakers to invest more money in programs aimed at strengthening marriages. Two experts not connected to the study said such programs are of dubious merit and suggested that other investments - notably job creation - would be more effective in aiding all types of needy families.

There have been previous attempts to calculate the cost of divorce in America. But the sponsors of the new study, being released Tuesday, said theirs is the first to gauge the broader cost of “family fragmentation” - both divorce and unwed childbearing.

The study was conducted by Georgia State University economist Ben Scafidi. His work was sponsored by four groups who consider themselves part of a nationwide “marriage movement” - the New York-based Institute for American Values, the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, Families Northwest of Redmond, Wash., and the Georgia Family Council, an ally of the conservative ministry Focus on the Family.

“The study documents for the first time that divorce and unwed childbearing - besides being bad for children - are costing taxpayers a ton of money,” said David Blankenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values.

“We keep hearing this from state legislators, ‘Explain to me why this is any of my business? Aren’t these private matters?’” Blankenhorn said. “Take a look at these numbers and tell us if you still have any doubt.”

Read about it here.

[From me]

Isn’t interesting to find if people just lived by the instructions in the Bible we wouldn’t have as much pain and suffering?   Obviously there are valid reasons for divorce.  But if people would commit their marriages to God and would only have sexual relations with those who they are married to it would actually save the government and yes, us billions of dollars!  Why should people pay for the sins others?

What do you think?

[Daily Mail]

Goliath is a celebrity binge drinker, Eve is a sex-obsessed man-eater and Noah’s wife wants to kill him . . . welcome to the updated Bible.An Anglican vicar has rewritten the most famous biblical tales because he wants to make them more “accessible” to modern reader. The Rev Robert Harrison’s book, Must Know Stories, contains retellings of ten Bible stories and is out tomorrow. In the nativity story, Jesus is born in an overcrowded house instead of a stable, amid family conflict as Joseph’s aunt deals with the fact that he and Mary are not even married.

Mr Harrison, who preaches at St John’s in Hillingdon, West London, added:

“It’s better to tell the story controversially than not at all.”

Read about it here.

[From me]

I wonder if Rev. Harrison was drunk when he wrote this?

What do you think?

[Tennessean]

Visitors to Hotel Preston won’t find the Holy Bible in their nightstand. Instead, travelers will have to call room service to order it from a “spiritual menu,” which will include other literary offerings like the Book of Mormon, the Quran and books on Scientology, said Dina Nishioka, public relations director for Hotel Preston.

Oregon-based Provenance Hotels, which owns the Hotel Preston, is breaking away from a longstanding tradition of placing Bibles from Gideons International in its rooms. The goal is to offer variety to travelers who aren’t Christians or to visitors looking to learn about a different faith, Nishioka said.

“Our guests come from different places and they definitely come from different cultures, backgrounds, ethnicities, so we want everyone to feel welcomed and comfortable,” Nishioka said.

Read about it here.

[From me]

I guess they can do what they want since it is their hotel. But why not offer all of the free books in the room? When I stay at a motel I could care less if their is a Book of Mormon because I don’t read it. The Gideons offer the Bible for free so it doesn’t cost the hotel a dime. Why not just leave them.? How can you be offended by it just being in the night stand?

Sounds like a sign of the times.

What do you think?