Sep 12 2008
Dry
I want to say first that I am a blessed man and very grateful for God and what he has done for me. This is not a post about woe is me, so please don’t try to console me because I’m fine–or I will be. But I have always been real and transparent so why stop now.
I’m tired. I’m very tired. My mind and my body are exhausted. Spiritually I’m reading and studying my Bible but it seems like God has not made it clear what He is doing. Maybe I’m not ready to know yet. The country is hurting financially and we are in that group. I like working at a large Coffee chain because I get to be around people I would never meet. Unfortunately it doesn’t pay enough to pay the bills. Now some money is better than none so I’m grateful for what I have.
I have a new appreciation for single parents and others who work multiple jobs just to put food on the table. I haven’t worked this hard in years. It is tiring to come home from one job and have to do work for the other and help my children with their homework. Then to try to connect with my best friend Cassandra. I wonder if I’m effective at anything I do. I guess time will tell. I’ve had several opportunities to talk about God at the coffee shop so there are great things happening. I know God has a reason for all of this. I don’t have to understand now. God doesn’t owe me anything but death so I won’t complain. I’m just tired and weary. I remember Henry Blackaby saying that during the dry times God is preparing a person for something greater. I’m ready.
I’ll leave you with the words of Jesus in Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
13 responses so far
Kevin — Brother, I’m right there with you. I hate knowing that you and I are at the same places. I know God has something for us both and will reveal it, in His good time, but the fallen and sinful self keeps wanting to help Him out (like I know what’s best). Being Physically tired is one thing, but the metal tiredness that comes with it is the hard part. It’s almost like not being able to catch your breath, always breathing hard, but not knowing when the break will come and things will slow down.
Camey and I will keep lifting you up to the Father, and know that you are not alone. I was told the ministry was a hard place to be, I just didn’t really beleive them. (I’m a little slow sometimes)
My only incouragement to you would be make sure you find time to stay connected with your Bride. Do not let all these distractions of life get in the way of your marriage.
Doing Everthing For His Glory
Brother “G”
Kevin: not sure I can add anything worthwhile saying to what Brother G has already said. I was out of the ministry (paid) for about 6 months back in 2000 when I lost the position I was in and worked at a pizza place. Started out delivering pizzas until the owner had the bright idea of putting me on the fryer because I was old enough. I not only lost money (delivering was nice) but I lost some self-respect. However, I did not know the impact I was making until someone told me after I quit that i made a difference in the atmosphere of the place. Take a gander at my post for today. It touches on this. (hopefully not seen as shameless promo)
bill (cycleguy)’s last blog post..How Long Lord?
Kevin…Brother G and Brother Bill have spoken wise words of wisdom for you and all of us–no matter the situation. To be in the ministry, I’ve delivered newspapers, delivered flowers, put bicycles together, and preached at “H” Day every Sunday in college (remember those days?)
Hard days. Eating spaghetti noodles with a slice of cheese on top because I couldn’t afford anything else…
Was it worth it? Most days. Some days were pretty tough–in or out of ministry.
The only consistent has been the goodness of God. He’ll never fail.
M. Steve Heartsill’s last blog post..Was Obama Flip in His Answer?
Hang in there, Kevin. I’ve had to work through some very tough times too. I didn’t realize it then while I was in the middle of it, but looking back on it now, the thing that really made it hard was wishing that I was doing something else, wishing things were easier, wishing I wasn’t dog tired all the time. Since those bad times, I’ve realized that it isn’t about the destination, its about the journey. The journey is where you are now and what you are doing now, not what you hope to accomplish or where you hope to be in the future. Drink in every experience as it comes, charish every minute - don’t let a single moment go by unappreciated.
You know, Kev? Wednesday I was dog tired… I had spent 12 hours at the physical church building.. talked to over 500 plus people personally. On the way back to the house that night - I waaaaassssssss spent.
Yesterday, a woman called the physical church building to talk with me in response to something I said to her on Wednesday night. What she said I’ll leave between the two of us except to say this…. I would do Wednesday all over again.
One of the things Bro G does that I so greatly appreciate is sending me text messages throughout the day or calls just to say hello and I love you. Of course - there is that dancing thing too.
Camey’s last blog post..When the axe fell….
This quote from Malcolm Muggaridge always speaks to me:
“It is not unusual for living to suddenly lose all savour. Bunyan, Tolstoy, Wesley and innumerable others passed through this mood. In each case, the mood was the same-all the things that are supposed to give delight ( money, sensuality, food, success, etc.) lose their savour, become pointless, futile. Then comes this thirst for eternity. Oh, this terrible thirst! ‘God!’ they cry out or ‘Woe!’, and long for solitude. In solitude Eternity is a little less remote than amidst the distractions of the world. Perhaps they break in the struggle, then more utterly lost then before. But if they come through the struggle they are listened too. Their voices demand and get a hearing.”
Kevin, I prayed for rest, wisdom and opportunities for you!
Neil’s last blog post..Weekly roundup
Sounds like you just ministered to yourself. That is the awesome thing about blogging/online journaling, you can vent your feelings and in the end find some resolve, some strength. You gave yourself a little pick me up in writing it, and I am sure others as well.
You have the perspective that you need. Deep breathe, get up, do it again, live the dream, if it’s not your perfect “dream”, pretend…
Godspeed!
rolanda’s last blog post..This is really gonna hurt Sarah Palin?
Yep, the economy is doing terrible . . . the past 7 years has been eyeopening. And people are losing their homes. Such happy times. Maybe I should apologize for my attitude but I think we’ll continue on the same path if we elect another republican. Say what you will about Bill Clinton - uh, seems like his private life is his (and God’s) business (like Gov. Palin) - but the economy wasn’t in the toilet.
I suggest that you watch the TV news of the horrors currently unfolding in Haiti. Women are being torn to shreds in razor wire as the crowds surge to obtain food for their starving children. Compared to those poor creatures, we in USA and Australia are very fortunate indeed. Then, give something to the appeals. It matters not how small or large the donation. Once you have given, you’ll know that you are well off.
“Living God’s Word” by Waylon Moore has been extremely helpful to me lately. Perhaps you and Cass could go through this study together. I have found the focus in Waylon’s writing to be refreshing as I sometime struggle with “dark nights of the soul.” Tell Cass hello.
Blessings!
Thanks for all your responses.
Rob,
I edited the last part of your comment. Call me if you want details.
Kevin,
Man I can totally feel for you. Here’s my brief backstory. We returned from Spain in 2003 to find…no job. So I took a commission only job mortgage job ….7 months later we were over $20,000 in debt. During this time I also started part-time at a church that promised me full-time within 6 months. It didn’t happen. So I quit the mortgage business and started at Starbucks part-time, while continuing the church gig. Within another year the church job dried up (it was a church start) and I had to either look for another church gig or take what Starbucks was offering. Within a few months I was a store manager and grew to love it.
I kept leading worship at churches here and there to make other money and my wife also worked 2 part-time jobs but we stopped sinking and started climbing out. Two years later we were on the field, debt free. When I was in those years it was horrible. I felt like my identity was gone….I felt like a failure. I saw so many of my other friends succeeding in ministry and my business buddies prospering beyond belief and yet I struggled just to make it each week. Now that I’m here I’m so grateful for how God used that time in my life. My time at Starbucks changed my life…for the better. I learned more about myself and how to develop (disciple) people than I ever did from the church.
Hang in there Kevin and drink an iced double-decaf, nonfat, no whip, 2pump vanilla, 2 pump white mocha for me.