May 21 2008
Does it really serve em’ right?
I don’t normally link to other blog stories unless it really grabs me. Well yesterday one did. I found this blog on MMI and was moved by Brad Johnson’s story. (not the Brad Johnson who was my intern)
He was a pastor for many years and he wrote had about a moral failure that cost him his marriage and his church. Fortunately it did not destroy his faith. He wrote an open apology to his former church here. But I had to find out what happened to him. Because I know that if I don’t put the proper systems in place and stay close to God–this could be me.
But I also have been broken of pointing fingers to those who do fall. It all started in high school when my best friend had a child out of wedlock. It continues this week when a good friend has made some seriously terrible choices. But, what do we as “THE CHURCH” do when a fellow believer or minister fails? How are we to respond?
Brad wrote a post a back on April 2, called, “serves em right.” In this post he describes how the “CHURCH” (collective group) treated him after his moral failure. He said some individual Christians reached out to him but the “CHURCH” did not. Look at some of these quotes from Brad:
As I write about the ‘Church,’ I write about the groupcollected. I write about an organized body, a gathering, a mob, a conspicuous unity of believers congregated, moving in a unified direction. I speak of leaders and those who aspire to be-those who are positioned to ’speak on behalf of…” No individual Christian is being singled out.
Also, I acknowledge that those in the church, just like me, are sinful, falling down types. So…it is with understanding and distinction that I ponder….(not conclusions….just observations. The response from the ‘gathered’ group has been deafening silence or worse, a ’serves him right’ attitude manifested by words and actions.
Well, guess what? It does serve me right. It is certainly what I deserve. Serves me right. Where I get confused is the definition of grace, where we offer to another what they DON’T deserve. That has not been offered by the ‘Church.’
No collected group of ‘Christ’s Followers’ have offered to share coffee, or inquire about my well-being, or drop by for a visit, or invite me to a ‘fellowship’ (oh, how I coul write on that word…what a load of ….poo).
No collected group of ‘Christ’s Follwers’ have sought to lift a burden, extend a hand, or walk with me a mile.
Not one pastor (teachers of the ‘Church’) from Ventura County has called me to ask about me, or express care–let alone just pray for me over the phone; not one….in a year. (with the exception of the pastor of the church where I now attend)
Not one Women’s Bible Study group called Heidi, inquired about her well-being, offered care. What do you ladies study?
Grace is giving what is NOT deserved. And that is what has been missing from the church.
As I read these quotes my heart sank. How many times have I been guilty of showing no grace. Maybe not by ugly words or looks but by what I didn’t do! Maybe by my inaction I showed no grace! When I read the Bible I see that it says we have “ALL” sinned–that includes me! I must remember that there are more sinners in church then there are saints! Unfortunately, the church is known too often for shooting our wounded!
Years ago I said it serves em’ right to a former pastor who was caught in adultery. I was a jr. high school student in a large church in Tuscaloosa, AL. My pastor was exposed for carrying on an affair with women in the church. He left to go become a professor in another state and then later died from cancer. His family moved back to Tuscaloosa to be near family. Being the sensitive person I am - I made a comment in class that my former pastor “got what he deserved!” the only problem was, his daughter heard what I said and I crushed her. I will always remember how awful I acted. I showed no grace! Shame on me.
We as the “CHURCH” talk a lot about “Amazing Grace” but it seems our grace applies mainly to those who need to accept Christ than it does to those who are in the church. There are hurting people in our churches and yes, in the pulpits! Does it excuse sin? NO! But we aren’t excused from loving and restoring those who desperately need a call, card, a smile, a hug and unconditional love and grace.
What do you think?
19 responses so far
I was thinking about Brad’s story last night. Interesting enough? I ran into someone I had not seen in months. He is the nephew of a man who once was a pastor of ours. A man who I still pray for every day single day as well as his wife. Many years have passed now. They have lived out of the state for most of them. It was as a result of this man’s actions that a place was created for ministers and their families who are in need of a retreat, of counseling, and a time to heal. If you were to call there - you could not find out who was staying there. It is a place where everyone might know your name but they’re not telling unless you give them permission to.
I asked the nephew about his uncle and his aunt. Just like I do every single time I see him. For even though his uncle’s actions caused much hurt, I am beyond thankful for how it also helps others today. And there is joy in hearing and knowing that lives go on in and through God’s grace. They may seem destroyed for a season or two… or three. Yet, God can redeem whatever He wants and whomever. Who are we… who am I to say otherwise?
I am thankful that Brad is sharing his story. I just prayed for Heidi. And as a minister myself…. recently I’ve taught on the subject of marriage, parenting and the sermon on the mount… Where would any of us be without grace? And who are we not to give it? Sometimes giving grace means staying… others going… but always - yes, always - God goes before. And we should rather follow Him than ourselves.
Camey’s last blog post..“Walked Away When 16.”
Camey,
Brads comment on my post about Grace was right on. I don’t understand why we continue to shoot our wounded.
Kevin Bussey’s last blog post..Does it really serve em’ right?
K,
This is 100% right on! I left a previous church (not for moral reasons but for “you are no longer the man for here” reasons) and received nothing. Oh, they had a little get together when I left and gave me…are you ready for this?…2 plaques for serving 13 years. Am I ashamed to say they found the trash can? Nope. 13 years…2 plaques…some eating out gift cards…and a book where people wrote in (not many). And little if any contact afterwards except by one or two people. Hurt? You bet! But eventually I wrote a letter to the person largely responsible (”either he goes or I go”) and confessed my strong dislike for him and asking his forgiveness for that. I have yet to hear from him (7 years later).
It is a shame that sometimes the “church” can be so cruel. The old saying is way too often true: “The church is the only army that shoots its own wounded.” BUT it has made me much more of a grace-giver. That and some other incidents. I read Brad’s blog and felt his heart. I pray that some day he will be restored to “ministry” if that is what his heart desires (and Heidi’s).
Bill(cycleguy)’s last blog post..Why Do You Feel That Way?
Kevin,
Yes, I read Brad’s comment and totally agree(d) with him. I don’t understand why either. I do know that it is something each individual must wrestle with daily. It is the human question. It is the human answer/response. That is why we must seek God’s face… and be His hands… His feet… we must be willing to go beyond ourselves. For at the beginning of each moment and at the end… it is all about God. And if we miss that…. we miss truly experiencing God. We miss what grace is and can do. And that is truly a tragedy.
Camey’s last blog post..“Walked Away When 16.”
Kevin,
Thanks for introducing me to Brad’s blog. I will be a regular visit to see what God has placed on his heart.
His heart clearly comes through in his writing and his confessions. He is a man loved by God, shown grace by God, and a man who knows Jesus as his Lord and Savior.
He shares well what he has experienced. Unfortunately, his story isn’t the only one that could be told, nor will it be the last. We are all sinners, some more public than others, but we are all in need of grace! By other ministers, churches, and friends. While I oftentimes doubt that grace will come from those, I never doubt God’s grace and forgiveness!
M. Steve Heartsill’s last blog post..Politics As Usual
What do I think?
I think too often the “church” looks too much like the world.
Rick Boyne’s last blog post..Renaissance Fair
Bill,
Been there, done that, can and am writing a book.
Steve,
I will be a regular too.
Rick,
Sad but true.
Kevin Bussey’s last blog post..Does it really serve em’ right?
I read Brad’s story. It is at once fascinating and tragic.
But it brings up what I see as a weakness in preaching … at least in the preaching I’ve heard. I’ve heard sermons about repentance meaning turning away, turning around, sometimes accompanied by demonstrations walking back and forth across the front of the church. But then one Sunday morning while finishing a lesson, I looked up “repent” and found metanoeo, meaning to think differently, to reconsider, to feel moral compunction. That goes ‘way beyond merely turning away … remember it’d be a lost person considering doing it … as you can make a thief turn away from stealing by locking him in a closet.
And that strikes at the heart of sin .. the point at which we decide it’ll be ok for us to do something regardless of what God says, or what we know is wrong.
That thought may be at the heart of why Jesus made the connection between lust and adultery, hatred and murder, etc. If we never stop the deciding, we’ll never stop the sin.
Bob Cleveland’s last blog post..Baptist Identity? WHAT Baptist Identity?
No, I think the “world” will often come to it’s own…and many times the church fails to bind up the wounds of “it’s own.”
I also think there is more to the story than has been told. (I’m not accusing Kevin or anyone else of hiding anything).
Phil Hoover’s last blog post..Confessions: “These inward struggles”…
Bob,
That is interesting.
Phil,
More to what story? If you read Brad’s story he is pretty transparent. He doesn’t hold anything back and admits his failings. What more is there to say?
Kevin Bussey’s last blog post..Does it really serve em’ right?
Kevin,
I’m not saying there IS more…I’m simply saying there may be more to the “story” (especially where the response of the church is concerned) than has been told.
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned in life is this:
Regardless of how thin that cookie is–it always has two sides.
Phil Hoover’s last blog post..Confessions: “These inward struggles”…
Kevin:
One of the posts on Brads website asks a terrific question: What does faith look like from a congreagtion that has been betrayed?
What is Brad looking for?
He readily admits that individual Christians sought him out…what is the church, except for the OT saints, today’s Christians and tomorrows beleivers. It isnt the people within the four walls off a building where we corporatley gather to worship. So Chrsitians, some even within that congegration, did offer up prayer and forgiveness to Brad.
So what does he expect of his past “church”, not the indivuduals mind you, but in a corporate sense, which is clearly his issue…that the church, mob, group of beleivers (his words) have not shown him grace. What should the church do as a body of beleivers, in unity for him?
Timothy and Titus clearly mandate the requirements of the elders. He was to be an example for congegration( 1 Peter 5:3.) I dont see in his writings that he wasnt allowed back in that church as a member of the congregation, and rightfully he shouldnt have been in a leadership role. What kept him from coming back, the church elders or his own pride…I dont know.
While I cant conclude what that particular church or elders were thinking I see little indication from Brad’s blog that he is trying to edify his past flock. WHile I beleive his apology is sincere, read some of his statements made only a month or two ago and I see animosity…..even his apology he states how he loved (past tense) that congregation.
So i guess, I would ask you, as a leader in the church, what would you expect of the congegration, as a whole, if you were in the same position as Brad?
Bret,
Good question. I would expect a church to show love and grace. Does that mean we should excuse sin? No. But Brad already paid the price for his sin. He lost his marriage and his job. What more does he need? The church should be in the business of restoring not putting people in the grave spiritually.
Kevin Bussey’s last blog post..if it isn’t amazing, it’s not grace.
Can Brad be repentiful and still in his relationship with the woman he had this relationship with?
Bret,
I don’t have all of the answers. But I’ve learned in my experiences when I condemn I turn people away. When I love they are more open to listen to rebuking.
Kevin Bussey’s last blog post..if it isn’t amazing, it’s not grace.
BTW I agree with what we as a church should do…but according to Brad he left a month prior to divulging his adulterous affair. He then went back to the church elders because rumors (not repentance) to explain of the affair.
You and I have been around long enough to witness or be part of a congregtion or elders praying over and with an elder who has stumbled….full circle hands on the man.
Brad never allowed that opportunity to happen…I am not sure what kept him from going back as a member of the congregation outside of pride and shame….but what if he did….its a hypothetical….but in my past experience, that church would have poured out grace and love.
Brad readily admits people from that congregation have reached out to him, but he wants more, an en masse outpouring of grace, lead by the elders…I am unsure literally what that means.
In my opinion, you can rebuke with the Word (the strongest form of love) The Word tells me to repent. I am unsure if he is still in an adulterous affair, since he is no longer married…however, the circumstances around him changed via divorce….not that he was proactive in turning from sin.
Humilty is required…..blogging about his past church and how they have treated him is not a form of humility.
There are no easy answers….
Phil Hoover’s last blog post..Confessions: “These inward struggles”…
Amen Phil.