Apr 20 2007
Would a hug have made a difference?
Yesterday Scott Freeman asked what if Cho Seung-Hui had received an extra hug would it have made a difference at Virginia Tech? Who knows but I wonder if Scott was right. I deal with people on a regular basis who just don’t feel loved. I mentioned yesterday about the young man who killed himself. It was because he felt unloved by a girl. Would an extra hug have made a difference?
I’m blessed to have a group of serial huggers at my church. I kid you not these smiling ladies are waiting every time I see them to hug me. Not only do they hug, they about break my ribs. They hug everyone and you know what? It makes you feel loved and cared about.
Would a hug have made a difference in Cho Seung-Hui or the young boy here in Charlotte? Only God knows. But what about the people we are around everyday? Do we tell them we love them and that God loves them? Do we smile and make them feel cared about? Or do we ignore them like Cho Seung-Hui felt? I’m not passing blame for a sick man. But would a hug have made a difference?
Just a thought. What do you think?
12 responses so far
Sadly, Kevin, it’s just not that simple. A seriously psychotic and paranoid individual regards ALL offers of friendship/compassion./kindness etc with deep suspicion, as further “proof” that the world is against them. Everything is perceived as a veiled threat of danger,the most inane remark becomes charged with sinister undertones, the entire world is seen as inimically hostile, and trying to use reason with a psychotic and/or paranoid person is harder than convincing an atheist of the existence of a million gods, and no, I’m NOT being facetious.
I’ve seen the videos Cho took of himself, and it’s pretty clear that he was right over the edge- accusing and blaming everyone for real or imagined slights is pretty par for the course, I’m afraid.
It’s a sad fact of life that some poor individuals, through no fault of their own, have brain damage or chemical imbalances, or are just wired wrongly, and cannot ever really fit into human society. Be thankful you were not born that way, or born with a predisposition to mental illness.
Australia had a similar tragedy way back in 1918 or thereabouts, when a Chinese named Lee Hin went beserk in Sydney, for much the same reason as is now being thought to have unhinged Cho- the spurned love of a girl. I can’t recall the exact number of dead, but it was terrible, and only came to an end when a visiting American gun-slinger killed the poor fellow.
The object of Lee Hin’s adoration was a Christian Chinese girl who, when approached with an offer of love, suggested that Lee Hin should accompany her to church. When he realised that she had no romantic interest in him, he brooded until it came to his diseased mind that the Chinese Christian mission had stolen her away from him. He killed her and many worshippers and set fire to the mission before barricading himself in his shop for 3 days or so. These tragedies aren’t new. They have always happened and always will.
I feel for everyone engulfed in this horror.
PS This white on black is driving me absolutely bonkers. If you don’t want to change the colour, can you at least enlarge the print? I’m using 3x magnifying glasses, and it’s still hard to decipher any spelling mistakes!!!!,
Kevin
I am with Francoise on this, while of course we must offer love and acceptance, and I strongly believe that touch is critical in ministry* , some people interpret that as an attack due to their own pyschois.
For example, a person I am working with viewed some gifts from their significant other (which soon ended) with great suspicion and dread. They were nice gifts from someone trying to express affection, not some nefarious scheme.
*appropriate touch is defined in my ministry as public (visible by others), away from private parts of the body, and most importantly, with permission from the person touched.
P.S.
wow, this black on white thing is almost impossible for this old Friar to read….
I agree with the 2 smart people above me
Personally, I think that he was more evil than psychotic and he was plenty psychotic. And I don’t think hugs deal with that issue.
This isn’t to minimize the importance of hugs at all, especially for children.
I understand the power of psychosis and mental illness. It’s important not to diminish or underestimate that.
But part and parcel with these types of disorders is the need for and understanding of the importance of early intervention. No one is suggesting that giving him a hug on Monday morning as he strolled out to begin his wanton slaughter would have slowed him.
My thought was that the tragedy of his life began long before Monday. Could early intervention have changed the tragic trajectory of his life? I don’t know but it should give us adequate pause to look around us for others who might need loving care.
I apologize if I made it sound so simple. I agree with Scott that this goes way back. Look there are a lot of hurting people who keep quiet. Then they just explode. We must express love to each other.
BTW,
I listened to Francosie and MIT and changed back my template.
Cho is not more evil than psychotic. He is a person who has problems as a child or teenager which needed to be identified and helped with early on. Sadly, the society we are living today have no sympathy/time/tolerant for the apparently weak/odd/silent ones - simply because they are not ‘good’ enough by sociel standards, not ‘fitting-in’ or well-equipped enough to fight back or defence themselves. His mental/psychological problems were deeply rooted, his behavioural patterns were formed by a long history of failure, rejections, frustrations and all kinds of negative experiences. What he needed was the slow process of building up geniune relationship with people again, before a Hug is meaningful to him. The fact is, we have a lot of people like Cho around us, who is shy, quiet, lonely, depressed, insecure…the least we can do is, suppress the urge to ignore or diminish them (sometimes a simple body language is already damaging), truly accept their presence. Think about Cho again when we see those people, we may well be able to prevent another tradegy like this happening again.
Amie,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think you are right. When I think about how cruel I was growing up…Uggh.
I thank God that the Holy Spirit transformed my heart. There are lots of hurting people in our communities–and yes in our churches.
I know that a hug isn’t going to make all of the difference. But I think what Scott was saying if years ago someone had showed him some love and attention. It is convicting to me.
I think it is that simple. I think it is as simple as being shown Who God Is. God is loving. God is personal. God is good. God is merciful. God is kind. He desires an intimate relationship with us and is waiting for us to lay down our false idols so that we will learn to rest in His strong, wonderful arms. That is the hug to which we need to be pointing everyone. Unfortunately, many who call themselves Christians aren’t even sure if that is the God they serve.
Just a very poignant reminder…
Hug someone…and do it often!
I know those “hugs” have kept me from going crazy on more than one occasion.
Hugging, I hate to say, is culturally unacceptable to some races, being seen as an atrocious intrusion and violation of their personal space, at best, and a spiritual contamination at worst.
Travelling throughout Asia, one learns to be VERY careful not to touch people, as we in the West do. I haven’t been to Korea, so can’t comment, but maybe Koreans feel icky about personal contact, too.
Don’t get me wrong- in those cultures, it’s fine for intimate family members to touch, but it’s a no-no for strangers. It’s hard, when visiting these places, not to stroke the heads of adorable native children, but doing so would invite a VERY hostile, and possibly lethal response from their parents. It would NOT be viewed as a friendly or admiring gesture at all!!
As I understand it, Cho came to USA as a refugee from Korea. Who knows what traumas these people have been though before they reach safety? Shouldn’t they be screened for possible psychological damage before being re-settled in a new country?
And, more importanly, shouldn’t the USA health authorities be notified and made to act if someone is obviously in need of help?
THANK YOU, KEVIN, FOR PUTTING IT BACK TO A WHITE PAGE!!!! My prayers were answered
I lived in South Korea for one year. Those are very affection and warm, loving people.
Never had any problem hugging them. They enjoyed it, and so did I.
Thanks, Phil. I’ll rememebr that if ever I go there.