Mar 24 2007
Family time more important than church?
[From Baptist Press]
A growing number of families would rather spend their increasingly limited free time together than at church, a study by Leadership magazine found.
âThe increased emphasis on âfamily time,â even at the expense of meaningful involvement in church life, is a sign of the times,â reporter Eric Reed wrote for Leadership. âItâs one way Generations X and Y are making up for the hands-off, latch-key childrearing styles that characterized their Boomer parents: heavy investment in the kids, and everything else takes a back seat — including church.â
Leadership surveyed 490 pastors about what is keeping people away from church, and the Christianity Today-owned magazine found that people routinely choose family events over church commitments because they say theyâre not finding church to be a relevant enough resource in their time-crunched lifestyles.
Read about it here.
[From me]
I think it is important for families to be together. But our time with God should be the most important part of our lives. I realize that some churches do segregate families. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen sports, the beach, the mountains and “Bedside Baptist” being more important than going to church.
How can we do a better job connecting families together and make church attractive for families? We just started a new children’s ministry on Sunday mornings that we hope will make children beg their parents to come each Sunday.
What about your thoughts?
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13 responses so far
It would be one thing if a family could just come to church, worship/spend time with God, then go home and have some family time. But it often doesn’t work out that way. Once a person starts attending church, they get “hit up” about doing all kinds of extra work in the church, teaching Sunday school, serving on committees, helping with the kids, and so on. Lisa is a certified early childhood education teacher, and works with four year olds every day of the school year. When we go to church, people get all excited, and assume that she would be perfect for the children’s department. When she politely declines, they get their feelings hurt, and try to make her feel guilty about not wanting to use her gifts to glorify God and reach the children for Christ. Its really quite interesting to see.
So in my opinion, people are not giving up time with God so they can spend it with their family, they are just aware that as soon as they step foot in the door, they are going to be barraged with requests to do this and do that, further robbing them of what little time they already have with their family.
You asked :>)
Jasonk -
Exactly! My wife is a 4th grade teacher. Why should anyone assume that she wants to spend here weekends teaching mroe kids? She doesn’t … so she doesn’t.
I sincerely believe that the reason so many of today’s families shy away from traditional church involvement is because of all of the legalistic time-expectations of the traditional church. Sunday mon=rning, Sunday School, Sunday night church, Tuesday night visitation, Wednesday night prayer meeting, Thursday night Choir practice … then the cycle begins again.
We planted a church that targets young families. We meet just once a week. Sunday morning worship only. Our holistic small groups (we call them LIFE Groups) meet in homes. We have 80% (a HUGE percentage!!!) of our adult members in these Bible studies. Compare that with the 40% Sunday School attendance goal in the traditional SBC church.
Yes, Kevin. Church is important. But when we functionally grow it so far beyond what we see in Acts 2, and when we pile responsibility upon responsibility on the same core of people … many will eventually flame out and drop out.
We can have very high expectations about the things that really count without expecting our people to occupy our buildings 4-6 days a week.
Geoff
I agree with Jason.
We try to ask our people to do 3 things: One worship/large group (we have 3 to choose from) 1 small group (ss/small group Bible study) and 1 ministry.
It’s also a matter of keeping the guilt trip out of announcements. And we are trying to keep people in the area of their spiritual gifts. We also try to make it easy for people to take time off and have subs who like moving between ministries take their place for a time.
We are very far from being perfect about this, but trying.
I think the problem, Kevin, is that most churches are so wrapped up in “doing” church that we leave families with a very difficult choice… attend all the church programs, scheduled events, committee meetings, etc. (avoiding the guilt-trip of not serving God enough through the church, at the expense of time with family), or simply not going to some church events (avoiding the guilt-trip of not spending enough time with family).
I guess what I’m saying is that, with committed believers, I don’t think it’s so much about putting family ahead of God as it is recognizing that a big part of our calling from God is to love, care for, and minister to our families. Often we find that we neglect that simply because church involvement is presented as a higher calling.
(Side note… isn’t it interesting that they interviewed pastors rather than the families for this?)
Never again will I be in bondage to the mentality of having to spend every single moment of my free time at the church…or in church activities.
I agree with all the responders so far, Kevin.
I deal with people and their educational pursuits all week long. I love my job. But Sunday is my “sacred space” time. I want to go to Sunday School–I LOVE my Sunday School class at The Moody Church–and then to Morning Worship, and I want to be with the people of God…and I also want the chance to “be myself” and relax some in the family of God.
I have no problem with Sunday Evening services. I also have no problem in not having them either.
Of course the other side of the pancake is the so-called “family time.” Does the family really spend time together on Sunday Evenings? Or is this just a way of getting into more activities for the kids, and some alone time for the parents?
What better way to “be the church” than to be with the family of God?
And that doesn’t always have to be at the church facilities, either.
I agree with all of your thoughts. But what about those who find things more important than even coming once a week?
Maybe the problem lies in why people are going to church in the first place. It sounds like maybe it’s about what church can do for them. That’s not what the early church was about at all. “I want to go so *I* can receive this or that.”
Maybe the problem with time lies in the way a family manages its time. If sports and other outside activities are more important to your family then that’s where your time is spent. I’ve seen young families have all three of their children (with the youngest being four and why a four-year-old needs outside activities is beyond me) in sports and be running to and fro for months on end with no break. The results are dinners from a drive-thru window, bedtimes way too late, a rushed life, and sick kids. Way too much stress that is entirely preventable. Of course once Sunday rolls around everyone is completely exhausted and the parents don’t want to be tied down to “a job” at church. They want to go and sit down and relax and be ministered to.
A mature Christian should not be sitting in a Sunday School class on Sunday mornings anyway unless they work (in the church) on Sunday nights or Wednesday nights. Our church has associate memberships so that every adult is plugged into a group and can fellowship in a small group setting and receive help when needed. Every Christian has a ministry and if you don’t want to do your ministry at your church, well, I’m not quite sure how to comment that. I don’t believe anyone has the job of just showing up each week.
Those parents who cry out that they need more family time? What are they doing all week long? If family time is so important then why don’t they cut out extra stuff instead of church? People do what they want. They spend their time how they want. I believe the people who go to church are the ones who want to be there.
I think that the “church” experience could be more of a family experience if the church leadership would think outside “programmed” activities. I’m back at a Baptist church now and one thing I really miss is that at the Methodist church I attended, there was more participation by the congregation and family activities than at the Baptist church I attend.
And yes, how many church activities are really designed to help one connect to God any way?
When I first went to seminary, I was pretty hard core (weren’t we all?). We had a Superbowl party at the church I attended. I was outraged! Arange church around secular activities?!?! But when I went, it was a real bonding experience with other church members as well as with my family. Trite as it sounds, fellowship happened. I became real friends with other members and the staff members as we ate chili and talked to each other.
Just a few thoughts.
I think churches should exist to prepare their members to go out of the building to be the presence of Christ in the world. Can you do that if you’re never there? Of course not! But I agree with several of the other commenters. Some churches make it their goal to always have people in the church building. I don’t believe that’s what we’re meant to do.
Reading Richard Foster’s Simplicity, especially his comments on the importance of learning to say “no,” even to things that are good in and of themselves, was very freeing for me in how I look at my commitments to church and elsewhere.
Let me take exception with JANA,
Mature Christians most certainly can sit in Sunday School classes every week…I do, and so do many others I know. That is an important time for us.
And who are you to judge one’s maturity anyway?
There are people who never do anything but show up on Sundays. I know plenty of adults who attend a Sunday morning class but they are teaching discipleship classes on Sunday nights or Awanas on Wednesdays or actively involved in other ministries such as choir, orchestra, drama, or community outreach. My point is Sunday School shouldn’t be a social event. Most of the people that I look up to as mature Christians in our church are involved in in-depth Bible studies outside of church classes on Sunday.
I apologize, Phil, for insinuating that all adults in Sunday School are not mature Christians. I would guess that you are involved in other ministries of your church.
What if it was our own fault as evangelicals? We have stressed “family time” and have held up family as if it was something to be worshipped. Jesus talked about leaving family, but we evangelicals have turned family into an idol. Well, we preached it, the people obeyed, and now we cry “foul.”
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